overflow post.

[zazen]

why is captcha always catching us.

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> ramuda, tfln

[zazen]

[from here

His eyes settle on the hand in his hair, what was his plan? By the books, the fact that Ramuda still makes Jakurai's life a living hell must be jealousy. The two of them keeping their rivalry strong even after all this time.

Jakurai leans a little closer.]

If you aren't jealous. What are you? Tell me.

[candyrapper]

[ he hasn’t thought about it. He’s avoided thinking about it. He rolls onto his back and sprawls out, blinking as he puts about a minute of consideration into it until he gives up. Surprisingly he sounds more sincere than sarcastic when he replies: ]

You’re the one who always says my lack of self-reflection is a problem. How should I know?

Would it make you happy if I were jealous?

[zazen]

I don't know.

[Jakurai has an answer for everything. But he doesn't have an answer for that. What does he even want out of this? It's frustrating not knowing exactly what you want or having an answer prepared for the harder questions.]

That is what frustrates me about you. Doing things without thinking. Now look where we are.

[In one of the rooms, Jakurai perched over Ramuda. A position they used to find themselves in more often.]

[candyrapper]

You can't answer the question, because you never think about what you want.

Are you that scared of being an eensy-weensy bit selfish?

[ Nevermind that he's plenty selfish for the both of them or that, as Jakurai predicted, he's feeling rather pleased to be getting his attention. He likes this position: even when he's on his back, he feels like he's in control. ]

[zazen]

I have no need to be selfish.

[He could think of a few things that he would be selfish about. He desperately wants to be selfish right now. He hates when Ramuda has him wrapped around his finger. It was always like this.

The distance between them becomes shorter, the only amount of selfishness he can muster.]

What I want and what is feasible are two different things.

[candyrapper]

[ Maybe it's because he's still tired from the fight, but he's thinking even less than usual. It's fine; if things don't go in a direction he likes, he can always leave, but he's been here before. Much as he doesn't want to admit it, he usually enjoys what follows.

He sits up, close as he can get to Jakurai's ear, his hands wind in the hair near his scalp, to make sure he doesn't pull away. ]

What do you want?

[zazen]

What do I want...

[He says this mostly to himself. What does he want? What does he want to be selfish about? The amount of jabbing at this particular question bothers Jakurai. What does Ramuda think he wants? It's this that he misses.

He moves just to put a finger under Ramuda's chin, his thumb tracing his bottom lip.]

[candyrapper]

[ Did he make a misstep? If he wants this too much, then Jakurai has the upper hand and that's a no-no. So he'll refrain from commenting and stay pliant, letting the doctor mull over how his mouth is parting at his touch. ]

[zazen]

[The thumb drops and Jakurai replaces it with his mouth. That's what he wanted, and what he didn't want to admit that he wanted. It feels like he shouldn't be giving into these desires. It makes whatever Ramuda said in his rap more believable.

Oh well. He doesn't care anymore.]

[candyrapper]

[ He loves being right. Except that also means Jakurai's accusation that he wanted another go is... also right. In the end, they both know thinking about consequences isn't his strong suit. He climbs onto Jakurai's lap and kisses him back, pulling him closer by his hair ]

[zazen]

[In the end, they were both right about each other. Which is sad, but also somewhat beneficial. This is totally fine. Jakurai's arms come to rest around Ramuda, keeping him in his lap. The kiss is by no means gentle, but it hasn't hit the threshold of rough yet either.

At least on his end.]

[candyrapper]

[ Whoever goes harder first is the one who wants it more. And whoever wants it more is the one who loses, obviously, so he has to take his time. The hands in Jakurai's hair loosen, combing through it gently, encouraging him to relax. ]

[zazen]

[As much as he claims to hate Ramuda, he can't seem but to play right into his hands right now. His shoulders lose their tension. Lowering as they continue kissing. It has been a long time since anything like this has happened between the two of them.

It still brings up ugly memories of the day Ramuda destroyed any ounce of whatever relationship they had. A hand grips Ramuda's hip firmly.]

[candyrapper]

[ Thank Jakurai's weakness; he could feel himself getting so close to breaking too. The tension on his hip is the only cue he needs to increase the teasing, grinding in his lap. ]

[zazen]

[He hates this, a lot. So much. He hates how easily he's giving in to Ramuda's touch and Ramuda's closeness. The hand not on his hip comes up to grip Ramuda's hair in turn.

The tenseness is only back because he's trying not to give himself up to Ramuda when he's grinding in his lap like this. ]

[candyrapper]

[ Resistance; proof that Jakurai is cognizant of his own loss, which means it should be okay with pushing a little further. His hands leave his hair to try sneaking under his shirt, while his tongue cautiously tests for pushback from Jakurai's mouth. ]

[zazen]

[He knows he's lost at this rate. But it has moved into a much more apparent state of denial. How could he let Ramuda get the best of him like this?

Another thought out of the window as he parts his lips for the other.]

[candyrapper]

[ Ramuda isn't sure if Jakurai had tried of the candy in his recent stash, but the flavor of it is lingering on his tongue. In his opinion, what's even more delicious is the feeling of control he gets to have.

In all honesty, he's forgotten the way Jakurai likes to be touched, so he’ll play around to figure out what works best— not because he cares, of course, but there’s a lot of fun in getting a cheat code right and then abusing it as much as possible. He experiments with light brushes of his fingers on his chest, followed by the graze of his nails and pinches to see what happens, repeating the cycle in varying levels of force.

[zazen]

[It's sickeningly sweet, but that doesn't stop him from enjoying the taste of it mixed with the taste of Ramuda. He's forgetting for the moment that this is the last thing he should be doing.

The results of his experimentation are that the scratches seem to work a lot better than the pinches. Jakurai leaning more into those and making more pleased sighs at those than anything else. At this point, both of them are probably wearing far too many clothes.]

[candyrapper]

Clothes. Off.

[ The request comes in between light kisses and is joined by nails scraping faintly down his chest in the way he likes so much. He's been so accommodating so far; it's hard to imagine Jakurai stopping now, but a little extra incentive couldn't hurt. ]

[zazen]

[He doesn’t argue, in fact, the doctor coat he’s always wearing slides right off. Tossed aside in favor of having way less clothes on in the face of Ramuda giving him what he knows he has been denying himself. His own hands find their way under Ramuda’s shirt, tugging upwards.]

Off.

[candyrapper]

[ The only reason he’s unbuttoning his shirt quickly is out of worry of what Jakurai would do to it if he didn’t. He can’t help turning it into a little show, sliding it off one shoulder, then the other.

His skin is soft and flawless (of course) and he’d like to draw attention to that, taking one of Jakurai’s hands and putting it on him. ]

[zazen]

[The shirt would have been taken off anyways, needless to say. He can’t help watching the way Ramuda peels his shirt off. It’s like nothing had ever changed between the two of them. It’s nice to pretend.

His hand is followed by his mouth on Ramuda’s collarbones. Making sure to give them plenty of attention.]

[candyrapper]

[ Good. He should burn the image of how he looks right now into his brain forever, Ramuda thinks as he arches up and tilts his head back. This isn’t bad at all.

His hands find their way into his hair, pressing him closer.

[zazen]

[He replaces the gentle kisses with teeth. Making sure to give Ramuda a reminder of this experience later on. He won't be gentle about this.

He won't pull away until Ramuda stops him.]