overflow post.

[zazen]

why is captcha always catching us.

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[zazen]

You would keep doing this if I let you.

[There isn't any resistance, he would let Ramuda come back and do this without question. But is that really something he's going to say out in the open? Of course not.]

Is sex with the person you hate really worth it, Ramuda-kun?

[candyrapper]

You didn't have any difficulty getting into it, for an old man. And what kind of question is that?

[ Because he doesn't want to think about it, especially because he's pretty good at reading people and suspects what Jakurai is looking for is a specific answer, a reason this keeps happening. ]

[zazen]

[Jakurai prides himself on being a man who thinks things through. He always has a reason for doing the things that he does, methodically and without missing a beat. But this time his train of thought dropped the ball and he fucked Ramuda right into this hospital bed.

He wants a reason, but he’s certain he won’t find it.]

My age has nothing to do with my ability to have sex.

[A beat, for once? Jakurai is going to give up.]

Forget it.

[candyrapper]

Good, don't think about it. You'll only get more headaches to go with your other headaches.

[ Shinjuku's Big Bad Wolf seems reduced to a cute puppy when he gives up; Ramuda combs through his hair gently, almost like a treat for trying not to think too hard for once. ]

[zazen]

There isn’t any use thinking about it.

[No one else will see this side of him. The Jakurai who is able to give in to his desires. The Jakurai who wants nothing more than to give his selfish side a little attention every once in a while.] Stay for a while.

[candyrapper]

[ He’s heard this request before, from people he can’t be bothered to remember, but Jakurai’s selfishness is like a super-exclusive limited-edition sweet only he gets to enjoy. He isn’t moving, he’s already decided he’s staying, but he’ll still ask: ]

What do I get if I do?

[zazen]

You’ve gotten everything you wanted, haven’t you?

[Let him be selfish for a moment, it’s rare and probably won’t happen again for a long time yet.]

[candyrapper]

[ Of course he got what he wanted, but more is always better, in his opinion. More attention and more spoiling are always accepted, but more glimpses into Jakurai's personal indulgences are interesting enough to keep his curiosity piqued for now.

One of the hands in his hair slips down to massage circles into his back. ]

Is this all you want?

[zazen]

Is it a problem?

[Ramuda could leave if he wanted, Jakurai wouldn’t stop him. But he can’t deny the hands on his back feel nice. He hates that this feels so normal and comfortable. He should never feel this way about Ramuda.]

[candyrapper]

No.

[ saying more than that would probably invite requests he might not want to entertain. Compared to the demands he’s made of others, just wanting to be close to someone else is so simple.

It’s boring, especially since he’s got an awesome running list of humiliating things he’d make Jakurai do if he had his way with him, but if this is all he wants, it’s easy enough to give. He kneads at the curve where his neck meets his shoulders teasing out the tension ]

[zazen]

[Really this isn’t all Jakurai wants, his selfishness extends far past what he wishes to admit to Ramuda’s face. He won’t do it. He knows what it is like to hurt at the hands of easy R, and in this moment it isn’t worth starting anything. Being close is the simplest and least controversial of the things he wants.

He lets his shoulders down again.]

I really hate how you can be like this. I hate everything about it.

[Yet he won’t make a move to toss the pink brat out.]

[candyrapper]

Want me to stop?

[ the massage he means, easing off of him until his hands are just hovering over his skin, because he won’t stop coming and going as he pleases, setting Jakurai off balance and bailing again ]

[zazen]

No.

[He reaches back, putting Ramuda’s hand back where it was. He’s going to take what he can get.]

[candyrapper]

Does it feel good?

[ He asks the question like he already knows the answer. Getting what you want always feels good, but he wants to hear Jakurai say it. ]

[zazen]

It feels good.

[He says it without much thought. Jakurai is still too earnest for his own good sometimes.]

[candyrapper]

[ he reaches a little further down, to the space between his shoulder blades ]

Anywhere else?

[zazen]

There is fine.

[This is so wrong to be letting this happen, but who would he be to deny attention focused on him for a little while.]

[candyrapper]

O~kay!

[ working them magic fingers that make the oneesans moan then. ]

[zazen]

[His own fingers come up to trace along the outline of Ramuda's jaw, and down his neck where he made all of those dark marks.

He lets out a breath, a pleased sigh escaping.]

We should have taken this out of the hospital.

[Not that anyone would come looking for him all the way back here, but... a lot more can be done elsewhere.]

[candyrapper]

[ there’s almost a purr in the back of his throat when he feels Jakurai’s hands on him. ]

Where would you want to go?

[zazen]

I do have a place I live, you know.

[His hand settles on Ramuda's throat, feeling his heartbeat. Mentally probably taking his pulse.]

[candyrapper]

Whaaat, you mean you aren't some holy protection spirit, bound to this place?

[ His pulse jumps initially, but it settles when Jakurai's grip doesn't tighten around his windpipe. ]

[zazen]

One would be surprised.

[He presses his fingers there very lightly, to see if he can get the same reaction from his pulse again.]

[candyrapper]

...What are you doing?

[ He can keep his expression even, but his heart rate picks up again. ]

[zazen]

Feeling.

[What is he feeling? The fragility of the human body. He could wrap his hands around Ramuda's neck and deprive him of air, or he could simply sit here and continue to feel his heartbeat pick up and even out every time he presses.]

Very interesting.