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[zazen]

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Comments

[champagnetower]

Well if you do I'm not gonna be mad because it would make me happy but also
I know exactly what you're gonna say when you see everyone so that's why!

[That totally all makes sense.]

[zazen]

And what will I say?
I am very curious?

[champagnetower]

You will see everyone looking a specific kind of nice and me too of course but then you might say Hifumi-kun, are you wearing your jacket underneath your yukata? And then I'll be the worst host ever

[zazen]

Do you have a yukata theme right now? Why would I ask when I know why you wear it?

[champagnetower]

Yes we do!

Nevermind

It's Doppo who would be surprised. Even though he knows why. And he would say things like, "Wahh, Hifumi! You surprise me every time!"

It was pretty funny. But the host club doesn't know.

Sorry to trouble you, Sensei.

[zazen]

I will come to support you, and you should be well aware of that.

You are not troubling me.

[champagnetower]

My brain is going 100 miles a minute
It's like my brain is scrambled eggs!!


There are things I should tell you but they're sad things.

[zazen]

I am putting my shoes on.

It sounds like we need to talk.

[champagnetower]

Sure. I put it off for too long.
I allowed it to fester.

[zazen]

Where would you like to meet? Outside of the host club?

[champagnetower]

My apartment. I'll get tea and snacks ready.

[zazen]

I will be over soon, then.

[In the ballpark of about twenty minutes, Jakurai is showing up at Hifumi's door. Knocking.

Let your leader..Inside.]

[champagnetower]

[Hifumi perks up at the sound of knocking on his door. Even if he wasn't expecting Jakurai, it would be exciting.

Despite the texts Hifumi sent not too long ago, he answers his door as cheerfully as ever.]

Sensei! Welcome! Come make yourself nice and comfy! Tea and snacks are over by the coffee table!

[Which is in the direction he starts to walk.]

You know what they say. Mi casa es su casa!

[zazen]

[He welcomes himself in then, per Hifumi's request. Toeing his shoes off and pacing over to the couch.]

Thank you, Hifumi-kun, for inviting me over.

[He seats himself and gets to work on a cup of tea.]

Tell me, what is on your mind Hifumi-kun?

[champagnetower]

[Hifumi seats himself on the other side of Jakurai, his cheery smile fading almost immediately.]

Okay! So...

[Where does he start with this stuff he didn't want to have to ever bring up? He should have expected that it would have to at some point, but he tried everything in his power to deal with it alone. But dealing with it alone is exactly what made it so difficult.]

I first arrived here about 4 months ago. At that time, Doppo also arrived here. I had my best friend and we moved in together - here, in fact - which made it feel almost like being at home. That made things pretty easy to handle here, even when some things that happened here were weird. But it was okay, because at the end of the day I had my best friend and everything was fine.

[Hifumi stirs his tea as he adds honey to it.]

Then you showed up about a month later! I was so happy! It was the best ever having you both! But then a month later, you both disappeared! I heard someone on the network say that happens sometimes... But you came back, so that's great. But Doppo never did.

[zazen]

[He takes in what Hifumi is saying while fixing his cup. It was a lot. Perhaps Hifumi felt like he was the only one who could stay in one place? Maybe he was feeling...lonely. Certainly, yes, he too would feel lonely if people important to him continued to leave.

He takes a long sip after blowing his tea off.]

And so... you feel a bit lost? Now that Doppo-kun isn't here?

[And...one more thing.]

I have no memory of being here before, is that normal as well?

[champagnetower]

I've been trying to be okay with not having Doppo around, but I feel so painfully alone without him. Every day I did things for him, cooked him food, cleaned the house, woke him up. I liked putting a smile on his face and making him comfy since he's so stressed all the time. Now I feel so lost and empty.

[Hifumi knew Jakurai didn't have any memory of being here before. It was something he realized early on.]

That might be normal. It seems like it's different for everyone.

[He sips his tea. After he places his cup on the coffee table, he lifts up a small platter of cookies, holding it out to Jakurai.]

IM SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING

[zazen]

You two are inseparable. No matter how much Doppo has his moments. I can assure you that if he were here alone, he would feel the same way.

[He will take one of the cookies. But he will also put his free hand on Hifumi's shoulder.]

I want to help you feel not so alone. Please, let me know if there is anything I can do for you right now that would make you feel better?

same tho rip

[champagnetower]

[He knew in his heart that Doppo wouldn't know what to do without him, despite all the times Doppo has ever gotten frustrated with him for not being like a normal person. He didn't know if that helped make him feel better or worse.]

Sensei, all I can ask of you is what you've always done. As heart-broken as I am about Doppo, just knowing you're here helps put my mind at ease throughout the day.

[He sets the cookie platter down on the coffee table.]

Doppo is an adult. He probably doesn't need me. But I'm still worried about him, if he's sleeping okay, if he's eating properly, if his bald manager is constantly keeping him at work too late. I miss him so much that it hurts.

[He puts a hand on Jakurai's leg.]

If I lost you too, I don't know what I would do. I don't want to be alone and I'm so scared I will be.

Re: same tho rip

[zazen]

[From the looks of it? Worse. Hifumi feels like he needs to be there for Doppo, and in some sense? Jakurai would agree. The two of them needed each other. As odd as it is for two nearly 30 year old men to be living together.]

I am glad that I can provide you even a small amount of relief. Even if I am not quite the same as Doppo-kun.

[Patting...his back.]

Feel what you need to feel. Doppo is an adult, but the two of you are so used to being around one another.

[And as unpredictable as this place seems to be...?!]

I will not leave you if it is in my will to do so. I will always be here. So please, never hesitate coming to me.

[champagnetower]

I realize...

[He says, pausing before he continues. A thought that just occurred to him, a glimmer of hope.]

Had it not been for Doppo, I may never have met you. And had you not invited us to work alongside you, we may never have gotten to become close. With that said...

[He folds his hands together, setting them on his lap.]

I know I've pried before, and likely will again. But if you will allow me to learn more about you and become closer, I would be eternally grateful. And if you will allow me to provide you the same comfort you have for me a number of times now... I wouldn't mind. I'm always here for you too, Sensei.

[zazen]

I never intended to hide any part of my life from either one of you, past or present. Perhaps... it was merely the reaction I thought it may garner if I told you everything.

[Because they look up to him. They regard him so highly. That if he told them everything....they would leave.]

I want to tell you more, and I want you to tell me more as well.

[champagnetower]

[He thinks that's fair. It's apparent to him now that this is what he needs to do instead of holding things in to put on a display of sunshine at all times. He didn't want there to be another outburst like this to come over him.]

I can do that for you. And I promise that you are dear to me no matter what you have to say.

[A pause to have a drink of his tea.]

You are a wise, hard-working man. Anything you may have done only made you into the brilliant man you are today. And besides, someone once told me that some people have skeletons in their closet for a reason.

[Imagine learning something from Dice.]

lord please forgive me for this CRUSTY TAG

[zazen]

[But he doesn't want Hifumi to hide....or not trust him with these things. He wants Hifumi to come to him when he feels this way.]

The skeletons I bare are far more complicated than I have ever attempted to explain. But for you...I will make an attempt. I will be far more open than I have been before.

How does that sound?

[champagnetower]

[Hifumi smiles and nods, gently placing a hand on Jakurai's shoulder.]

Just you being open to doing that for me warms my heart. And, as always, you are welcome here at any time.